As for summer limbo

This is my summer in limbo: in-betweens, fade-aways, the squeezed summer.

In summers past there've been an abundance of anxieties and plans to extoll on those quintessential long walks on the beach I always take with my mother and friends. What teachers or classes we might get, what girls or boys we might get closer to (just maybe!), what we might accomplish. More than that, there were the constant college preparatory discussions to have, decisions to be made, and plans to plan.

Next summer I see fodder for these talks abounding: what classes I plan on taking, courses of study I plan on pursuing, fellowships and internships I hope to get, and teachers I aim to turn into mentors. And that's only school related. There are the girls and boys (as always), the culture, the life in New York City.

But this summer is my summer of limbo. I am unsure of what to anticipate, without any concrete plans or decisions to ponder. I am saddled with time - waiting. And yet I know this period without the weight of responsibilities and career-planning is a gift I will perhaps miss in summers to come. But I know myself. I know whenever I hope for the freedom to be lazy and finally get it, I cannot appreciate it for long and easily sicken of it. I crave plans and accomplishments and the excitement of a tangible future.

But as for now, here's to my summer of limbo.