December 24, 2011

As for the current state of affairs


I have turned in more than half of my college applications in the past week. It makes me even more excited. For those of you who don't know, I was deferred from my early application college - now, lots of people get "sad concerned" face when I tell them that. Yes, I am bummed. Yes, it makes me nervous. No, I have not fallen into a pit of endless despair. I am actually being serious when I say I can't even decide between my schools. This one was not my be all and end all. Yes, it would have been reassuring if I had gotten in. But I didn't not. So right now, I'm just wrapping up my last few applications and playing the waiting game. All of my decisions come in sometime between the end of March and early April, so this place will be filled with lots of news around that time (hopefully some good...).

Meanwhile, I've discovered this amazing major that some of my colleges are offering (usually titled something like Cognitive Science) which effectively combines psychology, neuroscience, linguistics, and philosophy. I don't know what do with myself; it's like all of my interests just got combined and validated! Hopefully I'll end up somewhere where it's offered.

Aside from the college game, tomorrow I take off to New Paltz! I go there over December break every year (for the past 5 or 6 years) to see old friends and celebrate the Yiddish culture :) I may or may not have had my first kiss there... Anyways, I'm really excited. There will be pictures!

December 15, 2011

As for for mellow-drama

I find out about early action tomorrow. Long story short: Yes, I am nervous. But, I'm not completely freaking out. You know why? Because this is not my be all and end all. Yes, I will be disappointed if rejected, and bummed if deferred. But I sincerely love a significant portion of the colleges to which I'm applying, so if I don't get into one, that's fine, as long as I get into some of my other favorites. The main thing is particularly worrying for me, is that how I do tomorrow can sort of be an indicator for how I'll do at other top-tier colleges. And if this indicator is negative, I'll start really freaking out about the results in April. So this result is really just one out of a bunch. But it gives a hint to what the rest might don't know how to feel.

Answer: mellow.

I've been listening to mellow rock all week to chill out. It's totally working. I feel some semblance of sane! It's so nice! So here it is y'all: the Mellow Rock playlist. Float on!

Mellow Yellow - Donovan
I'll Be Your Mirror - The Velvet Underground
The Only Boy Living In New York - Simon & Garfunkel
The Crane Wife 3 - The Decemberists
Naive - The Kooks
Goshen - Beirut
The Greatest - Cat Power
Los Angeles, I'm Yours - The Decemberists
Come Sail Away - Styx
Oh! Sweet Nuthin' - The Velvet Underground
(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay (Live) - Sara Bareilles
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
A Few Screws Loose - A Great Big Pile of Leaves

December 8, 2011

As for valid narcissism

"If I celebrated every achievement, I wouldn't achieve anything." - Me.

Yes, I just quoted myself. This came spewing out of my mouth a couple of minutes ago, and then it suddenly struck me how relevant this was to the way I live my life. Hey, it's worked so far! Definitely the idea of every accomplishment being just one step in a process; you just have to keep going. Never let up. Never call it a day. Your job is never done.

December 7, 2011

As for a little rhythm

This past week and a half, I've gotten into a little bit of a rhythm. I've just been rolling along, business as usual. Nothing new. And yet, I don't feel my usual sense of restlessness and boredom when things get "old." I hesitate to say I feel "comfortable," because that's a little bit oversimplified. I was really stressed last week about finalizing the grades I needed to send into colleges (more on that later), and I am feeling a little pressure about finishing all my supplements, but I feel like those are going to be fine. I've been plugging away pretty continuously at all my various essays, and I'm not close to being done, but I don't really need to be; I'm making significant progress every week, and I know that's exactly where I need to be at. No procrastination! I actually feel really proud of that; going into this year I really wasn't sure how I would end up interacting with the burden of writing supplements - if I would feel constantly behind and stressed, or put them off until it was too late. I think the finiteness of the process and its significance really cinched the deal for my current state of mind. Surprisingly enough, I think this is actually the healthiest interaction I've had with a responsibility yet. I don't really feel annoyingly obligated to write them - I get to write about things I get excited about, and I really enjoy the enforced self-reflection. I guess the whole process has also been so anticipated and accounted for, that it's just something I've really accepted and come to terms with committing myself to. You know what it is? I deeply feel that it's worth it. 

Backtracking to my final grades - I DOMINATED. I pulled through. I surpassed my expectations. YAY ME. God, I'm just so relieved/proud. It's these final victories that are especially, wait for it, validating. Pulling my shit together at the last minute, following through, and ending in success, is so gratifying. :)

It's a rainy Wednesday, production week for Briefs, and I'm drinking a warm chai inside the coffee shop. Mmm. I also don't have an insane amount of homework, have been getting 6 hours of sleep for the past two weeks (this is a lot!) and am just about to start reading Northanger Abbey for my college class (also a good thing). Nice.

Mini-tangent: For class we have to chose between reading Northanger Abbey by Austen or Misfortunes of Virtue by Sade. MoV is just packed with sexual violence, rapes, abnormal sex acts, and gang rape (set in a monastery). Although I am very feminist and do feel comfortable talking about sexuality, personally and societally, I honestly just don't think I'm ready to read MoV. I don't think I'm strong enough yet. This is a little annoying for me to realize, because I like to think of myself as feeling comfortable discussing gender and sexual perspectives, which I am, but just reading a couple hundred pages of that level of graphic sexual violence would be much too tough for me. So, Austen, hello again. We've enjoyed each other before, and we will enjoy each other again this time, too. Sure, I feel a little weak choosing you over Sade, but you're snarky and NA's self-consciousness as a novel really appeals to me. So it'll be fun.

December 1, 2011

As for des romans

I love French novels. Novels written in France, about the French, about French food, translated from French, you name it. My heart seems to cry out, Seduce me! as soon as I open the front cover. I'm currently reading The Belly of Paris by Émile Zola. The first fifty pages is essentially a visual and aromatic orgasm as Zola illustrates the Parisienne marketplaces in the wee hours of the morning, just at dawn. The chapter I just read has the most touching, natural, and subtle description of blossoming love, more so than in many modern novels. A savory read. 

For my classes this year I've also read the likes of Les Liaisons Dangereuses, Manon Lescaut, and Candide. Having just added Balzac's Omelette and Lunch in Paris, I'm ready to continue the trend! Allons-y!