August 11, 2012

As for 'productivity' and self-maintenance

Today I studied French for an hour. I celebrated that hour of productivity by doing nothing for the rest of the day - note to college self: when you are dying of stress, be jealous of current self. Needless to say, it actually was a very focused hour and I actually have been making progress in The Iliad so...good for me. I really want/need to test into the Intermediate language course by way of the placement test offered during orientation, so I'm trying to get back up to speed with my French, seeing as I haven't taken or spoken it since March. It's annoying, but I'd rather study now than start all over (oh, please, hopefully that doesn't happen). Also concerning my foreign language study, for the past year or so I've been counting Comparative Literature as a viable option for a major, considering its focus on not only literature's role in culture, but other modes of expression as well, and its cross-cultural nature. However, I just found out that the requirements for the major and concentration include extensive study of two foreign languages. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Half of me is disheartened, because that would mean a lot more time studying language and less time studying culture and literature, but the other half of me is excited by the idea of learning Italian or a Slavic language. I guess time (and actual decision making) will tell what I end up doing. Deciding what major I want to declare and what career I want to pursue has been taking up a lot of my brain space this summer. I know it's kind of ridiculous but I simply can't help it. Without college apps to obsess over, I need to pick something else to take its place, and it just so happens in this pre-frosh state where I don't know much about my future role in any extracurriculars, classes, or internships, majors and careers are the most immediate 'decisions' I have to plan for. It's insane for me to be thinking so much about these things, but at least the fact that I acknowledge that insanity must be a vote in favor of my sanity, right?

As for my current state of physical/mental health - it's the best it has ever been. I've just realized this. By doing yoga 4-6 times a week and avoiding the unbalanced mode of eating that I'd gotten into over the past two years. I'm learning to eat meals at normal times and not to obsess so much. Ironically, in the (recent) past, the more I focus on how long it's been since I last ate or what I have ate so far presented a kind of skewed reward system, as a result of which I would eat healthy food and then more unhealthy or carb-heavy food either as a 'reward' or to compensate for my nutrient deficiencies thus far. By finding the right type of exercise for me (focused on mind and body, anaerobic, goal-oriented),  I can eat good things more, when I want to, but feel centered enough to not feel the urge to binge or fixate. To my surprise, earlier this week, after about a month of not stepping onto a scale, I had arrived at a fantastic mean weight nearly by accident. It is far from my peaks, and a small but healthy distance from my low-points this year, which were not based on healthy habits. Now, I just need to keep this up through the school year. Hopefully through relatively consistent yoga practice (either through a class for credit, a gym class, or a nearby studio) and balanced, aware choices, this will be a natural physical transition. Also, as a note to future self, I do hope to complete a juice cleanse at some point this fall, or as soon as I can get my hands on one. In theory, I can really see this type of thing as satisfying my neuroses (ultimate control!) while also being really healthy and making me feel good. If and when the time comes, details will abound.

P.S. I used the term 'life-affirming' in conversation today with my instructor. I think we can all agree, from the honest nature of the above paragraph, and how I'm more open to an awareness-based type of spirituality (those who know me well know that I curl my lip at most/all religious institutions*) that my experiences this summer, however mainly boring my days may have been, affected a significant amount of positive change on how I approach day-to-day life.

*I by no means look down upon religion as a vessel for hope or culture, but when it is treated dogmatically, or its outlook applied to topics in the public sphere, such as the economy, social services, politics, and policies (as it so often is and has been in centuries passed), I simply cannot help but detest it.

P.P.S. I have officially practiced 50 hours of yoga this summer. Huzzah!

1 comment:

  1. Well way to go you for doing so much yoga and practicing French ;) It's such a hassle sometimes to get motivated for that kind of stuff.. haha, but I think giving yourself the rest of the day was well rewarded. Keep it up girl ;)