October 16, 2011

As for refreshingness

(Yes, refreshingness is now a word).

Favorite times of the week: Friday afternoons, Saturday mornings, and Sunday mornings. Of course they're weekends - that's a given. But for each of these, there's a sense of newness and balance. Especially when it is crisp, sunny, and automnal outside. I woke up in an empty house at 8am, did some homework, listened to Rilo Kiley very loudly, and in general felt super...balanced. And ok. And refreshed. Which just goes against all of my experiences with stress and what I anticipated for this fall. I am supposed to be more stressed than I was last year. I'm supposed to be constantly walking around like a zombie. Sure, I'm feeling cynical and restless - but only in the sense that I'm sick of wasting my mind's time in high school. I fully accept I just need to play the game for seven and a half more months, but it's just aggravating. Even so - I just feel so damn fine! Not free and easy like this summer, but productive. As if this year is mapped out and things are within my reach. It's not all so 'far away in the future' right now and that's just happy. It's all going to be ok. 

I got the grades I need to for my progress reports. I did it. One class I needed to pull up my grade by five points, the other by one. I had a week to do it. I didn't give up - I mapped out the things I needed to accomplish for each (one of the tasks was "grade grubbing") and by God it worked. I got the one point, and for the other class I got seven more. This was one of the last in-school grade reports I had to get under my belt and it looked like it wasn't going to happen. Well it did. Fuck yeah. It just felt that much more awful that I might not succeed at the very last minute, when I've done everything I needed to do for the past four years. It seemed so unfair. But now I'm proud :)

I have to write some short supplement essays today and read some of Les Liaisons Dangereuses (ooh, how suggestif!). Thank god I'm not taking last year's coarse load right now; I mentally couldn't handle it. 

I'm also really glad this year I've kind of become more comfortable with myself and the little things that make me happy. Like breakfast (at noon).

"Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it" 
- Andy Rooney

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