June 10, 2012

As for 6 through 1

The last couple of days have been glorious. Let's go bit by bit, shall we?

Sunday was prom. I had my hair done at a local hair salon and went with a friend. It just felt like such a tradition. Pictures were fun, the limo was pretty good, the food definitively subpar, the dresses either classy or trashy, the breathalyzer unnecessarily scary, the music fun and awful, and overall 'fine.' Here's the thing - I'm just not particularly into prom. It's fine and I went and all but it was so....whatever. Sometimes, when I got up to dance, I would be really having fun if it were a particularly good song and I was dancing with a friend. Sometimes I just felt like I was imitating what I was supposed to be doing - smiling, and a little bit more than halfheartedly dancing, but kind of blank inside. And if not, I was sitting down at my table (always with a couple or a bunch of other people in a similar state as I was) exhausted and kind of just waiting for the whole thing to be over. There was a lot of tottering around in high heels and couples and people all gussied up - when we've almost all seen each other either roaming the halls in pajamas, or acting stupidly drunk at a party. It just seemed silly, that's all. I did a lot of smile forcing. It wasn't bad, it was just kind of a nuisance to go through. I'm also just not the type of person to get really excited/nervous about dressing up, and getting the hair and makeup done, and the nails, and the works. It just wasn't me. You know what it felt like? Middle school! Forcing everybody together as a grade, trying to bond, feel all show-offy. Unlike middle school, I didn't feel the need to be dancing with the 'popular kids' or hanging out with a specific group of people. But the whole ordeal of projecting a false representation of yourself and forcing an aura of enjoyment for some of the time was reminiscent of those years. I also just can't believe that people care so much about prom - that underclassmen dream of going to it and seniors stress about it all year. It's ridiculous. It was tacky and cheap. Some people did look classy and gorgeous, but it was just such a huge performance. It felt like a 'function' in every sense of the word. 

{Retrospectively written}
In other 'news' I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting on the front porch, and generally appreciating our gorgeous view. I was in the midst of writing my AP paper on D.H. Lawrence's "Lady Chatterley's Lover", entitled The Power of Pleasure. I would sit down for an hour or so, and write one huge paragraph for each one. Post-editing and such, it amounted to be a 13 page paper, which I really enjoyed writing. Note that this was my fourth AP project (out of two) and I was not even obligated to write a paper - I could have just done a 'creative project.' Here's the thing though: I love literary analysis, and I loved this book. Because I was entitled to more freedom this time around, seeing as AP projects after the second exceed any planned expectations the English department has, I was able to choose my book and what I did with it. It took about a week, and although it was a total time-suck, it was really fulfilling and gratifying. 

In the meantime, my mother did  a lot of gardening, as per usual...

I made honey-oat bread and fresh fruit bruschetta...

and I took this for the album cover of the literary playlist I made for the creative project my lit class was assigned for "The Color Purple." 

I pulled some very sleepless nights over the last week of school; due on the last Tuesday (Monday we did not have school) were two generalizations for my International Relations class on the roots of 9/11; I did one on John Clarke and the other on the United Nations. They were freakin' hard! I ended up really putting a lot of effort into them and spending significant chunks of time on them - part of this work was outside, so it was relatively peaceful, and the rest was between 11pm and 3am the night before, and was less so. For some unknown reason ( :p ) I really got it into my head that I wanted to do really well on these, instead of the typical minimal-effort A- fare that has been going on over senior spring (and a little bit of the whole senior year). Needless to say, the resulting anxiety from wanting to actually impress my teacher yielded two very good grades and her pulling me aside and telling me how well I did - yes, self-motivated ego boosts! I needed it! Plus, it didn't hurt that the class was fascinating and my teacher was amazing - I was lucky enough to have had her in 9th,10th, and 12th grade. I also finished up my brochure for Foods on Eastern Europe and my portfolio for lit (aka bullsh*t), as well as taking a Psych exam on the last day - it was yucky, but he scaled it so much I did really well! 

Overall, the idea/fact that high school was ending was seriously not clicking in my brain, and I was just mainly focused on the homework I needed to complete, doing well, and relaxing in the gorgeous hot weather outside. Good rhythms!

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