June 13, 2012

As for this year

The fall and winter, listening to sad female singers, Joni Mitchell, laying in the guest room, rainy, large sweaters, glasses, melancholy. Dangerous Reading. Applying for college - lots of writing, and ruminations. Briefs. KlezKamp. Too many college interviews.

The late winter and early spring. Trip to England, Women in Art, obnoxious high school classes, waiting for college results. The Real Thing. Wisdom teeth out.

End of high school. Getting into colleges - now, that was a good week. A lot of things 'not clicking.' Prom, graduation, lots of 'lasts.' Less caring but more doing - senioritis without the follow through of laziness.  Days outside on the front porch, listening to mom's opera music, ruminating over papers and healthy procrastination. In May, baking breads.

I think it was a nice year. The first 2/3 was so defined by the roller-coaster ride of the college application process. It still hasn't really clicked that I got into the places I did and that I'm going where I am - the idea that I actually succeeded in this process, which I had built up so much in my mind, is baffling and empowering. And now.... a summer of laziness (at least mentally). Some working, some reading, some Sims-ing, some yoga.

It's always hard for me to define years as the best or the worst, the hardest or the most formative.

There are years that ask questions, and years that answer. 
- Zora Neale Hurston

Freshman year seemed like a continuation of middle school, I think. Lots of stressing about boys, first kisses, wanting to be accepted. Sophomore year asked questions - figuring out the moral shades of grey, figuring out who I was, how I perceived myself, and how I wanted others to perceive me. Did my actions define me? My choices that year helped answer those questions. Junior year....seems like a blur. Lots of schoolwork, lots of stress (I think?). Two TV shows at once, lots of theater, lots of dance. Mostly continuing a trend, while settling into (cover your eyes) my attitudes towards sexual relationships. Senior year asked questions about the future - where I will be, what I will do, what I feel pressure to achieve. At least the first question got answered.  We'll see what next year turns out to be. 

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