September 15, 2011

As for the past

When I think back to my childhood, it all feels like a satellite recollection. Like a different child with whom I happen to share a memory bank. Our personalities have some crossover and affect upon each other's but it's all distant. Played with flickering and worn vintage film reels. Even 6 or 7 years ago is this distant entity. Then I think - 6 or 7 years from now I'll be graduated from college. I'll be a twentysomething probably having a quarter-life crisis and feeling lost. And when I look back upon these elusive high school years, will that girl seem the same as she feels now? Will she be tangible? Or a hazy throwback to those nights in spring when I rode in cars with boys and tilted my head out the window and felt the breeze blow myself back miles behind. Will she just be the girl who worked herself to the bone to get a chance at the perfect future. Will what she did be worth what she may be then. I don't know if I want this girl to feel lost.

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